And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
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your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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