So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
