I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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