When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
