YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
