you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
