I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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