dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
