dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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