i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
