Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
