I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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