im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
