never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
