He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I think my moral compass just broke
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