so explain again why im purple
no
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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