He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
