where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
