You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
My cat gives me a boner
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
