I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
