i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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