You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
