idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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