I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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