So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
