Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
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How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
FUCK WHALES
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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