I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Everything about him screamed your future.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
