he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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