Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
