Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
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