if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
