you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
