I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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