i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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