apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize