He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
