Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
