If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
