I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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