Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
you traded sex for a burrito?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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