did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
