Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Who died my cat blue again?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
