like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
