she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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