Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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