he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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