Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Green mimosas i think yes
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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