Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
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You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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