Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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