Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.

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(260): View more from Indiana

you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon

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(469): View more from Texas

I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some

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(785): View more from Kansas

Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.

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(253): View more from Washington

Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.

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(208): View more from Idaho

Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often

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(415): View more from California

Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'

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