I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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