woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
