I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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