I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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