I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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