whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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