It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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