Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
