Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
