i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
