She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
