.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
