Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
