hell yes lets make some ravioli
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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