she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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