i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
