my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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