Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
what day is it and did you see me today?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
