last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
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she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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