But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
