Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
