Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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