just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
