Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
