why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
