but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
