I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
