I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
time to smoke my breakfast
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
