I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
