in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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