I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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