well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize